“It’s going to be an expensive trip”: I was invited to a destination wedding in New Orleans. I live in LA. Is it corny to ask the bride if I can bring a plus-one?

Dear Quentin,

One of my closest high school friends is getting married in New Orleans in December. We are 32 now and live in different states, but we keep in touch and will all converge on New Orleans.

I live in Los Angeles and therefore will be traveling across the country for her nuptials in December. I’m not in her wedding party – she only has family – so I’ll do my own thing outside of all wedding activities.

We don’t have many mutual friends anymore, and the ones we have are married, so I won’t be able to share a hotel room with anyone. It will be an expensive trip for me with plane tickets, hotels, taxis, etc.

As a social worker for my 9am to 5pm job and babysitter evenings and weekends, I have to think about money. Not to mention that I have been to New Orleans several times and prefer to spend my money on the destination of my choice.

“Her parents are planning the wedding and money is not an issue for them, but I don’t want to make my friend uncomfortable.”

I would really like to bring my best friend as my plus-one. It’s not because I would ask him to share the costs with me. I would never! But I know I’d have so much more fun if I went on a date!

The other reason I’d like a plus-one is because I’m going to see a wedding guest who has hurt me more in the past than anyone in my entire life, and I don’t want to be alone for this unfortunate run-in.

My question is whether or not I can ask the bride, my friend, if I can bring a plus-one. In theory, I could have a partner. I would really like to do that! I think a lot of weddings tend to be a cost per person.

His parents are planning the wedding and money is not an issue for them, but I don’t want to be corny or make my friend feel uncomfortable. Is asking for a plus-one, even if he’s not my partner, a reasonable/appropriate request?

Single wedding guest

Dear Single,

Marriages should not be used as a test of your oldest friendships or the commitment of your new friends. Unfortunately, sometimes they are.

Hosting a destination wedding is expensive — $32,000, according to The knot – but the same goes for just one and not all guests will be able to afford to attend. This will cost some people more of their income than others. Couples should think about this when cutting their wedding cake and wondering why their great aunt Ida or their best friend from high school, who works as a social worker or a teacher or who lost her job during the pandemic, is not present. . But the secret to happiness – one of them, anyway – is not to take things personally.

You are basically being asked to go on vacation on your own. I know it’s the “best day” of their lives, but people have their own lives to live and they have varying budgets. People are caught up in the chaos of wedding planning, but there’s no mathematical equation that says a “close friend” means they have to attend at all costs. Ask your friend if you can bring a plus-one. If she says no, you’re free to tell her you can’t come. Only a fair weather friend would cut someone out of their life for not traveling 2,000 miles to a destination wedding.

Only a fair weather friend would cut someone out of their life for not traveling 2,000 miles to a destination wedding.

The average cost to attend a destination wedding is $2,700, according to a recent survey by travel agency Priceline, which also said 79% of couples are planning one within the next 12 months. Frankly, I’m not buying this. I don’t see nearly 8 out of 10 people getting on a plane, and asking their guests to get on a plane to get to their wedding. Of course, a destination wedding could technically mean a hotel on a lake 60 miles away. The Knot says about 20% of couples have destination weddings. In 2022, the risk of COVID-19 must also be taken into account.

So how many people RSVP to long distance nuptials? Between 60% and 75%, depending some estimates, while others place the percentage of guests who say they will attend at less than 50%. Couples know that some parents will not be able or will not want to travel; having a destination wedding allows the bride and groom to invite Plan B guests knowing their seats will be taken by Plan A guests. Personally, the reception would probably be a lot more fun if Great Aunt Ida burned the dance floor after too much G&T.

A plus for single friends is good etiquette. There will be cake. There will be dancing. There will be wishes. It will be sunny. There will be cancellations.

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